Stephanie's Ark
By Hank Edson
There was this party
Of a family, a good Irish Catholic family
With six children and grandparents
And then the children had children
And even some of the children’s children had children
And there were nephews and aunts and cousins
And heaven knows what kinds of relations...
And their dates, of course.
Or their wives or their brothers-in-law or fiancés
And friends;
Some were not really not even remotely “family,” just total strangers
Who were adopted and for the party, perhaps for good,
Actually made family
And all of these people numbered about 250.
And everyone was drunk.
It was on the shore of the Delaware River
With a band, a picnic, dancing,
And people were really carried away.
One man passed out and was tied to the base of a tree by his feet
So that he was in the odd position of hanging right side up
By his toes.
And when he woke up, he tried to walk
And fell down helpless and fuming:
“NO ONE TIES ME TO A TREE!”
And everyone laughed.
There was a contest to see who could hit a golf ball
All the way across the river.
One of the family, a brother or something
Was a trophy winner
And two others, also brothers? Were good
But everyone else, and that’s a lot,
Was not good at all, just beginners, just playing.
And one pregnant lady was so drunk
She said she couldn’t play because she couldn’t see the ball
In front of her.
She was laughing, hysterical
And everyone was so relaxed;
It was great fun.
And I was a young woman, an exchange student from West Germany.
Copyright © Hank Edson 2009